I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
