I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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