Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
