I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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