He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
