I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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