i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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