I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
