I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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