I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
