I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
