The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The adults are the big ones right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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