she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
