You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
