her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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