This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
