hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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