let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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