I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
