didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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