God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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