that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
