I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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