New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
