I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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