I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
