Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
