I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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