found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
