Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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