Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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