"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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