No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
