I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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