i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
