alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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