Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
