Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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