the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
