The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
