I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
