Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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