Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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