How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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