I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
