From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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