You're so nebulous sometimes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
