You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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