birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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