I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
