Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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