Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
